I don’t know about you, but every time I am in a make-up or some sort of “Improve how you look” store, I feel so totally judged. This is probably all on me, and my tendency to be overly self-critical, but I mean REALLY.
I feel like every interaction goes something like this…
Associate: “Now HERE’s a powder that will help give you that CLEAR COMPLEXION, and you know hide any spots if you need to.”
What I’m thinking: “Can they see my spots? Is that why he’s saying that? Oh God, my spots are showing. Hurry, stay away from direct sunlight, they might see MORE SPOTS!”
What I say: “Oh, yes. That sounds very nice. You know I didn’t take the time to put on my makeup before I came in today (insert forced laugh), I think I’ll just take a look around (Distract! Disctract!).”
Associate: “Now I’ve just got to tell you about this new mascara that we just got in. It gives you great volume, but it doesn’t clump like a lot of other masceras…”
What I’m thinking: “OMG my mascara is clumpy. I knew it was clumpy! Crap, they saw my clumpy mascara. Maybe if I keep turning my head from side to side she won’t be able to see my clumpy eyelashes…”
What I say: “Wow, that’s great! (Look left at something) I’m always looking for a good mascara. (Look down at something) I just keep trying new ones, (Look right at something) you never know what you’re gonna get…Thanks for your help anyway.”
Then I quickly turn my back so they can’t judge my lack of bronzer or my more than likely inappropriate color of blush. WHY oh WHY did I only put on a BB cream on THIS DAY of all days.
Just so you guys know, I don’t NORMALLY let my spots show like that. I know I have spots, and thank you for recommending the $45.00 spot reducing cream, I’m sure it’s really something.
Maybe someday I’ll walk in, face fully done, hair beautifully blown out, and THEY’LL ASK ME for consults instead of the other way around. They’ll say, “Wow, that girl has perfectly voluminous eyelashes (they’ll be fake of course, but they don’t know that because they’re done so well) and NO SPOTS! Amazing. She must use that spot reducing cream. But no, surely we can’t ask her because then she’ll see OUR spots and OUR clumpy eyelashes! Let’s just let our jaws drop and give her a girl-you-got-it nod as she walks by.”
Yep. The jaw drop + nod combo. That’s how you know you’re killin it.
But then I’ll stop and let them know that I’m okay with everything about them, because it took me three hours to get this way, and let’s be honest, that’s just too much. And that next time I’ll come back in with all my spots and imperfections and let them tell me how to fix them, and I’ll smile and nod and try to remember that I’m cool with all of it. Because that’s what I’ve got going on. And holy crap, it’s too stressful and consuming to try to hide it all.
There’s this children’s book called, “Are You a Cow”, after asking if you are a cow or a pig or a chicken upside-down, it says, “YOU MUST BE YOU, now isn’t that great.” I’m working really hard to find the freedom in just being me, spots and all, and letting the rest of it go. Phew. That’s hard work. But it’s good work.
So work hard to find the freedom in just being you. Because YOU are GREAT.