I haven’t blogged often. But for the small amount of posts that I write, I sure do think about them a lot. (Which consequently keeps me from actually blogging.) The questions that run through my mind a lot are, “Why write about (insert subject)?”, “What’s my motive?”, “Will that turn out any good?”, and mostly, “Will people think I’m an idiot/prideful/arrogant/weird?”.
But you see, the thing is, I am all of those things.
And, I’m always trying to remind myself that that’s okay. Most days I am realizing what an idiot I was yesterday, I have to constantly fight to put off pride, I have to remember who I am DAILY to not succumb to arrogance and/or false humility, and I am always and very much so WEIRD.
So if my blog reflects anything differently than those truths and those struggles, well then, it’s not much of a blog. It’s more of a strange kind of fiction blog. Which is weird, and not in a good way. It’s weird in an “I’m pretending to be authentic by scouring over and over all the things I say/write in order to gain the most approval by the most people.” And that kind of “authenticity” is exhausting.
All that to say, I’ve thought about all this a lot. WHY DO I WANT TO BLOG? Well, I want to blog because I love to write. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m really any good at it, trust me, there will be grammar and spelling and run-on sentence issues all over, but I still love to do it.
And I love to write about a lot of different things. With our families being spread out all over, I like to write about what we do; I love to write about what God is talking to me about, I love to write about the funny things that happen in our lives, I love to write about the things I like because I love sharing stuff that is awesome, and did I say that I just love to write?
If other people read it, and actually LIKE IT, well that is a whole heaping of ice cream on the brownie. (I don’t much care for icing/cake.) And if they don’t like it, then I’ll put on my big girl shoes and shrug it off (also a huge FEAR of blogging/easier said than done). But, it’s not about you, and it’s not about you liking me or what you think about me. (Ouch, that hurts me to write, because naturally, I care about that A LOT.) BUT, alas, that’s not what it’s about and I just need to get over it. It’s about me doing things that bring me joy and peace and closer to Jesus.
Even if I suck at it. The point is that I’m DOING it.
Me being weird. Actually, if there are deer antlers, it would be weird to NOT pretend to be a deer. So, here’s me, being normal.