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“Certain things in life are just downright hard. Singleness…Infertility…Job stuff…When our hopes and dreams are not meant, and our expectations get the best of us, we are prone to quit working at it and believing in (whatever “it” is). In those seasons, one of the greatest gifts is community. Friends that believe for more and hope for more than we can allow ourselves to. Friends that stand in the gap, point back to truth, encourage and get on their knees for us. Is there someone you stand in the gap for today?” – if:gathering

My heart swelled with a million “YES!”‘s when I read this this morning. I’ve been struggling with hopes and dreams not being met, and seeing the women around deal with the same thing. We all so desperately want to trust God with our lives, but can’t seem to ignore our own hearts in the process.

As women, we have the power to build up and the power to completely destroy. God has gifted us with influence, and emotional intelligence that we too often use for controlling, manipulating or seducing. Our deep desire to love gets warped through filters of insecurity and we find ourselves protecting ourselves from the very people that can help us.

I’ve been practicing relationships this year. When my insides tense up during conversations, I breathe deep and refuse to run. When an opportunity arises that is inconvenient, I put on my big girl pants and show up.

Life is hard. No matter who you are or where you are, WE ALL STRUGGLE. I want to stand guard for my friends who are suffering, and help them heal their wounds. I want to rise up and fight for the women who are being hit by the bullets of the enemy. I want to, and I want THEM to want to.

WE WERE MADE FOR THIS.

None of us can do this on our own, because we weren’t designed to. My friend Amy has such childlike faith that she cuts through my doubt and wonder and points me back to truth. My friend Cazi has such tenderness that she is often like a salve on my wounds and helps me not be ashamed of my scars. My friend Melissa has a passion that fiercely protects and helps you realize that you’re not alone.

I can’t do LIFE without them. Or at least not very well.

There are so many other miraculous women in my life, and we all bring something to the table. A table that would otherwise be very sparse were we trying to fill it on our own. I am so grateful that they are in my life, and that they let me into theirs.

My prayer is that God will continue to develop strong communities of women, that we would stop competing for a bigger piece of the pie and start fighting for a BIGGER PIE. That we would realize the power and promise of community, and step into it. That we would look outside ourselves to the people right next to us. That we would stop pretending like we’ve got it together while we’re actually spiritually and emotionally DYING, hoping that someone would just freaking SAY SOMETHING.

Well be the first to say something. Offer a piece of yourself to someone, and see if they return it back. If they don’t, it’s okay. We’re not all brave warriors immediately. But if they do, KEEP OFFERING and KEEP RECEIVING. Because “how good and pleasant it is when God’s people live in community.” (Psalm 133:1)

To The Guy at The Morning Owl Cafe,

I need to apologize to you. When I visited the other day, my friend and I shared how we had met through our church and you made the comment that you “can’t go near a church, or you would catch on fire or get struck with lightening.”

My response to you was not what it should have been, it was not what I want it to be. And it is gnawing at me and sitting on my chest like a brick. I’m thinking about coming back to you, to say these things. I’m not sure I even remember what you look like (remembering faces is not really my thing…). But I’m going to write these down. And hopefully you see them or someone sends them to you or we see each other again and I won’t make the same mistake twice.

When you said that, my instant concern was not you, it was me. I was weird and totally self-centered. I wanted you to see me as a cool, casual church girl because I have this weird phobia that everyone thinks people who go to church are weird and out of touch with reality. So I get weird, and I take it from phobia to fact.

I’m sorry.

What I SHOULD have said is that there is nothing in your past, present, or future that could keep you from Jesus. Why? Because he already knows (even the stuff NOBODY ELSE KNOWS) and he’s still fighting for you. Maybe me showing up and mentioning church to you was a tiny whisper reminding you that those places still exist and I was supposed to ask you to come. Maybe Jesus was bringing the church to you, and I failed in letting him.

I should have told you that, in fact, the reason you’re scared to meet with Jesus is the very reason he wants to meet with you. If you read about Jesus, he never spent his time with perfect people (fun fact: there aren’t any) and he totally slammed the people who tried to act like they were. He said, “the broken, the lost, the wandering…those are MY people…” (I’m paraphrasing here.)

That’s me. And that’s you.

I should have said, “Well shouldn’t that be the case with all of us? None of us deserve what Jesus is offering, but that’s the beauty. We’re all just a bunch of broken people who follow Jesus because he loves us. I wouldn’t be worried about catching on fire…unless you go to a Christmas Eve candlelight service, then be very skeptical and don’t use hairspray.”

So, guy at the Morning Owl Cafe, Jesus loves you. He freaking DIED for you. That will never change, and how he feels about you will never change. I hope you give this church thing, this God thing, a chance. Because he’s pretty great (severe understatement but I’m still trying to be a little cool) he’s kinda crazy about you.

Sincerely,

Girl who ordered a hot chocolate

P.S. Thank you for offering to serve it to me at a kids temperature. That was really nice. And totally unnecessary. (Slash please keep doing that…)

Thanksgiving season is upon us! Thanksgiving is supposed to be about what we are thankful for. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) all I usually think about it the delicious food I am about to devour.

I have never really been good at being grateful. I very much so struggle with staring at the world through a lens of scarcity. I am more and more learning how to stop scavenging and to start giving. When I feel like I have nothing, or I am nothing, to serve or encourage someone else has been my way out of it. It is SO HARD. It is sometimes scary. Okay, it is mostly scary. But I always, always, always, walk away a little more free.

I read a book recently that taught me a lot about gratitude. It spoke to the heart change that happens when you discipline yourself to be grateful for what you already have.

Sometimes, it just the way the light reflects off the bubbles in a endless sink of dishes. But there’s always something to be grateful for.

I’m sure there’s some big spiritual theology behind gratitude and what it does for us. All I know is that when I am feeling negative and depression is knocking on my front door, if I start to think of things I am grateful for, it acts like repellent. Gratitude and negativity cannot live together, and gratitude ALWAYS wins.

The most wonderful thing is that when I discipline myself to look for these things, the things I am grateful for, then I somehow start to naturally see them. I notice the brilliant colors of the trees on my drive home from the grocery store. I soak in the conversations with friends that make me feel whole again, I cherish quiet mornings with a cup of coffee.

So our family started doing two things:

We created a grateful board, and hung it up in our house.

G and I, and anyone who comes into our home, can write down what they’re grateful for. It serves as a constant reminder to look for beauty and blessings, and as a reminder of what we already have. I stare at it often.

We ask each other, “What is something good that happened to you today?”

Often, it’s easy to complain about our day. The first thing we want to share is the crap. What we dealt with. But we also need to talk about, and remember the bright spots. Remove some of the weight of darkness by shining some light on it.

This season, I hope to continue to focus on the things I am grateful for. The memories I get to make. The people I get to be with. And I hope that focusing on those things gets easier. I am thankful for the beauty that is naturally around me every day, and I’m hopeful that I’ll continue to see more of it.