Month: January 2018

When God Goes Silent

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When God goes silent, it can be incredibly frustrating.

WHERE ON EARTH OR HEAVEN OR THE UNIVERSE DID HE GO?

I have had seasons where I’ve felt closer to God than others, certainly. But I’m learning that even in God’s silence, He’s still speaking.

We can never and will never fully understand God (cause then, uh, we’d kinda be God), but there have been a few reasons why God’s voice has seemingly gone dark on me.

Sometimes God stops speaking because He’s already spoken.

I tend to ask the same question over and over and over again, as if the answer will come a different way.  He’s just waiting for me to listen. 

Sometimes God stops speaking when we get in the way.

Anytime my wants / desires / actions come between me and God, it creates a separation.

Not only is God Holy, but He is also unchanging. Holiness and sin do not collide. They cannot not share the same space.

When I’ve been unwilling to follow Him, digging my heels in or refusing to acknowledge what’s at hand, He’ll stop leading.

God is gracious enough to give us space when we choose not to step forward, but He won’t drag us. I have to willingly go where He goes.

It’s amazing when I’ve finally released my grip on whatever I was holding onto, how He floods the room as if He was waiting on the sideline waiting to be called into the game. Here I am thinking I’m waiting on God, when really He’s waiting on me.

The truth is, God wants us to hear His voice. Always.

There are over 40 verses where God refers to Himself as our shepherd, and a good shepherd not only provides protection, but direction. A shepherd is immersed in the lives of His sheep. He knows each one of them, and never leaves their side.

This is the picture that God gives us for our relationship with Him. He desires to lead us, and for us to follow. Because all that He offers is good.

In your own life, what has kept you from hearing God?

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Mom Guilt

If you’re a parent, particularly if you’re female, you’ve felt it. The tug and pull of career and parenting. Especially if kids come at an older stage. It’s one of the things I think about the most, and one of the things I talk about the most with other Moms.

Everyone has their opinions, their justifications, and their reasonings. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it, and depending on the day, am riddled with worry or jubilant with gratitude.

We’ve made the choice for our daughter to be in school, two 1/2 days and 3 full days a week. She’s in a great school with great teachers and an environment that fits her perfectly. But I’m not the only one raising her.

Some days that’s a tough pill to swallow.

Here’s 3 reasons why we chose school:

1.) I’m an “all in” kind of person. I dive deep and I stay there. When Emma was born, one thing her Dad and I agreed on, is that we didn’t want to lose ourselves in being her Mom and Dad. That our relationship with God and with each other would still have to come first. That I wouldn’t find my identity in Motherhood but rather discover new pieces of my identity through it. That being a Mom would simply show new sides of me, instead of being the new me.

2.) One of my biggest wounds is the fear of abandonment. Like a shark with blood in the water I can sense abandonment or rejection a mile away, and have had to learn how to walk through potentially painful moments instead of running away from them. (This is the only sense in which I would ever claim to be a runner lol)

I had no idea, but leaving Emma at school made me realize how much I had placed that fear on her. I was crippled with the thought of her feeling alone. I had to face that fear every day. Fear is not my leader, and fear will not direct my steps. So together, we showed up. And she showed me that my personal fears are not hers. What a valuable lesson to learn!

3.) I’m the best Mom when I’m the best Meagan. If I am not mindful of self-care, it’s a quick downward spiral towards depression and agitation. Some may call it selfish (believe me the accusations in my head have tried), but taking a few hours a week for myself has been the best thing for us.

A wise friend recently told me that our lives change entirely every 6 months as parents.

So whatever decision you’ve made, whatever season you’re in, nothing is permanent. This gave me a lot of peace of mind as we made our choice. Whatever you’re doing now, it isn’t forever.

And the best news yet? You’re a great Mom no matter what you choose.